It Takes Time
by drkdemon
Summary: A collection of Eriol x Sakura oneshots.
1. Untitled

_No, I have not written any CCS for over a year. Oops. Well, I recently wanted to try out that 30kisses thing on Livejournal, so yah. Here I am. 1 theme down and 29 left. They're going to be short drabbles. Well, there are always exceptions, of course, and EXTREMELY un-betaed, unless anybody wants to volunteer. You can e-mail me at if you choose to. I ono. It feels strange to upload a fic; I haven't written anything in so long. XD Hopefully I'll get used to this again._

_Any questions about that Cinderella ficcie can be asked in reviews and I'll get back to you on the next one-shot that I write here. Or you can e-mail me questions._

_Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura_

_Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)_

_Theme: #6, The space between dream and reality_

_Disclaimer: CCS does not belong to me. Obviously.  
_

**Untitled**

She was silent as they walked to the cafe and barely made a sound even after the two sat down. He watched her with scrutinizing eyes, attempting to peel away the internal guards she put up as a temporary way of telling him that she wanted some quiet (temporary because she would never completely hide anything from him anymore). Still, he wanted to quickly find out what was bothering her. Besides, she had barely acknowledged him all day. She looked at him only when he answered the door to pick her up and once more when her eyes darted from the menu to his face (he noticed that because she sat across from him).

And it wasn't as if she was frowning. She did not outright smile, but a tiny tilt-up of the edge of her lips kept playing onto her face once in while. Altogether, something was interfering with the date and he was not all too happy about that. When their drinks arrived, she took a long, slow sip as she stared at the foam on the top of her ice cream float.

Finally, the soft sound of her voice danced into the air.

"Recently, when I remember my first dream about you, I'm beginning to think that there was something else I missed."

He paused in the middle of his soda.

(Oh.)

She propped her head onto a hand while the other reached over to grab one of his. "In the very first dream," she whispered, gaze lowered towards the table, "your back is facing me. Suddenly, you begin to turn, and I can see a part of your face. That is when, for a short second, from the way your body moves, you look at me with a plead. Your mouth opens, and I can almost hear something, when my alarm goes off." Finally, her emerald eyes shot up to stare into his own violet-blue ones, and her lips moved to form a smile, one that said she held something precious and endearing close to her. The guard had dropped.

(Oh, wait, this can be embarrassing if he doesn't pull it off right.)

Eriol sighed. "Thank goodness that was it. For you to put me through such treatment, I was afraid that something worse occurred."

"Of course, this means that you will have to explain that to me." There was no way that the topic could have been more bluntly presented in front of him. Blunt. Frank. Straight to the point. Candid. He wanted the dense, what-did-I-miss-this-time Sakura back. Every once in a while she would remember flashes of their past and demand an answer to the unanswered question that would pop up into her mind from the trips down memory lane. And it was always something tiny and tedious and slightly blush-forming so as grateful as he is for this relationship, the questions do becomes too much.

He coughed, looked up at the ceiling, scratched his head with his free hand, and then finally turned his gaze back towards her. She was still smiling. No wonder he adored her. (Right? Of course.) "So maaaaayyyybbbeeee I was slightly lying when I said I grew an interest in you after we entered high school. I just wanted to greet you in that dream. And I probably did in your later ones as well. You do have a strange tendency to see too much."

She raised an eyebrow (just one). "Maybe? Your mouth never looked like it was going to say anything in the later dreams, but that first one, that first one did."

"I gave my greetings the next day when I joined your class."

She shook her head. Obviously, that wasn't enough. "Tell me. What did you want to say to me?"

Eriol groaned and covered his face with his hands. Now that he looked back upon that moment, it would've been extremely cheesy if he HAD gotten that word out. She grabbed his wrists and pulled his shielding away. That's when he saw that beautiful expression upon her face. The one where she's so happy that her eyes glistened and her smile showed teeth and she was softly holding his hands in her own. No wonder. No wonder at all that they've been dating for so many years now.

"Cherished."


	2. She Never Did Care Much For Postits Aft

_For Kiyone, my beta reader. huggles I know this is only my second one, but none of these are serious at all. But they're filled with fluff, and (if you ask me) kinda OOC. Ugh. I'll try to approach the next drabble in a different direction._

_Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura_

_Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)_

_Theme: #1, look over here_

_Disclaimer: CCS does not belong to me. Obviously._

**She Never Did Care Much For Post-its Afterwards**

When she got back to her house, a post-it was stuck to the front of her door. Quick and messy were the words _Go get your book of cards_ written on it, as if the person barely had a second to lose. Well, whoever it was, he or she couldn't be Touya or father. Touya tended to be with Yukito for at least another hour, and her father was at work, as usual. (As if it wasn't already obvious, Eriol.)

Deciding to humor him, she unlocked the door, closed it behind her, and went straight up to her room. Nothing appeared to be out of place. The bed was still neatly done. Her desk had not been rummaged through. A post-it was stuck on top of her "Book of Cards."

... Wait.

She sighed and plucked the small piece of paper off.

_When you have time, you TRY to eat there in the morning_.

And _BACK_ down the stairs she went. Why was he playing this idiotic game with her? Since she had known him and they started dating, she had tried to get rid of this _HORRENDOUS_ habit of his. These little games and tests that were always SO elaborate and idiotic, so time-consuming (sometimes), so...soooo...ugh!

She stared at the table where she ate with her family, and found nothing.

She looked under the table and snatched the post-it. "I do NOT eat underneath the table!" she huffed.

_Oh, you look just like her, love._

Sakura sniffed. Maybe she should just give up. (After all, half the reason why he kept this up was because she humored him and actually DID these things.)

Fine. One last time.

She went to her mother's picture frame. Covering her mother's face was another post-it.

_Turn to the door._

She turned. WHY was she going out with him again?

_Look over here_.

Sakura raked her fingers through her hair, sighed, and started to walk towards it. Well, she did like it when he smiled at her, she brought up as an afterthought. She got to the door, and saw nothing there. Except that post-it. _Look over here_. Here? Here the door? Okay, she's at the door.

"This! This is incred-" she started, her hands clutching the sides of her head as she puffed her cheeks in exasperation. She grabbed a hold of the knob tightly, opening the door so she could go to his house and demand an answer. Well, she was intending to do that when strong arms pulled her out half-way, and into a comfortable embrace. From that position, she could see his collarbone and shirt, felt his hands tighten his hold on her, and instinctively knew he was grinning like he would never be able to do it again once today passed. And she blinked. Three times.

"Now, wasn't that fun?" she could hear.

And Sakura smiled, wrapping her own arms around his waist and nuzzling her head deeper into his shoulder. _Oh. I like this, too._


	3. Truth

_I heart beta-readerrrr! And everyone else, too. Umm... this drabble became too long. My bad. And you know what! FF.n is soooo frustrating now! Why are there so many things we can't do anymore? I'm gonna go cry in a corner now._

_EDIT: Re-upped because FF.n messed up some of the style of the chpter. > _

_Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura_

_Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)_

_Theme: #15. perfect blue, #29. the sound of waves_

_Disclaimer: CCS does not belong to me. Obviously._

**Truth**

_If anybody knew why she decided never to mourn, it would be him. He would be the one person who would have enough instinct to realize why she never cried._

_--- _

When she looked back on that day, a million different images rushed through her mind. If it were a street and thoughts were cars, she would have been dead the minute she stepped onto that concrete pavement in hopes of clutching onto one of them and running with it. So instead of allowing herself to take short flashes and using them to define that entire day, she forced herself to mentally relive the whole event. She remembered everything that happened, every emotion she felt, every move he made, and every truth that existed and related to that day.

In recent years, she saw her best friend entwine fingers with his. She watched him place a comforting hand upon the top of her head, raking soft, protective fingers through those long, dark strands. He bent down (because she is about half a head shorter than him) to kiss her cheek. They made the most amazing couple. No words were needed. No hatred seen.

They made her the happiest person in the world.

_--- _

She did try. But when it comes to life, everybody else has their own stories to tell. They only speak of her when her own life intersects with theirs, which is not often enough for them to get an accurate depiction of her. It was like looking at the sky through the leaves of a healthy tree. From what they _thought_ they knew about her capability to love and adore, they labeled that day as heartbreaking, painful, utterly unspeakable.

So when May 29th came along, she decided to leave them to their opinions and find peace in a world of her own. She left the house with nothing but her wallet, walked three blocks down to the local bus stop, got on, paid the fee, and sat down for half an hour before she got off at the beach. The sun was beginning to rise, and the faint smell of the gorgeous ocean seeped into her nostrils. When she got to the sand, she immediately took of her shoes and sunk her toes in, relishing in the smooth feeling that it emitted. She looked at her watch and saw that it was about nine in the morning.

Five years ago from today, she and Syaoran decided to call off the relationship.

_--- _

_She almost didn't remember where they decided to meet._

_Ten seconds later, she closed the book that she was reading._

_Two minutes later, she put the finishing touches to her outfit and ran out of the door._

_Twenty minutes later, she was dashing down the street, manuevering her body past the large crowds of people._

_Five minutes later, she found him standing by the water fountain in front of the shopping mall._

_Ten minutes later, they went their separate ways._

_Why did she dress up again?_

_--- __  
_

A light breeze was blowing away from the ocean; it swept against her until she crouched down to fall back onto the sand. Looking up at the sky, she thought back to that day.

_--- _

_The storm was more than enough of an incentive for her to go back into the house. It was only 1pm in the afternoon, but enough dark clouds filled the sky to make her want to argue otherwise. Her sneakers were soaked after a few minutes of walking. Her plastic umbrella kept the rain from falling on her head, but the light wind got most of her lower body wet anyway. Traffic was heavy. One of the cars had its window down, and she heard that an accident had occurred in the downtown district._

_When she walked past the penguin slide, she noticed some children still out, dancing and splashing as if it was just another clear, blue sky instead of heavy showers. Above the noise of rain drops falling everywhere, she could hear the faint voice of a mother yelling that if they didn't leave in another five minutes, she would not treat them to candy._

_She glanced at her watch, saw the time, and gasped. She was running late._

_The rest of the scenery was a blur to her. She remembered the sounds of her shoes splashing puddles and in one moment, she almost slipped. She remembered that as she got closer to the shopping mall, more and more people appeared on her streets and it became difficult to manuever past all of them. And her umbrella kept getting in the way._

_Random puddles scattered the front of the shopping mall. The lamps were on because of the dim sky. And he stood in front of the water fountain, which she realized was not even functioning, a black umbrella in his hands. She remembered the concrete floor consisted of grey, diamond-shaped tiles. She remembered the statue of the water fountain was covered in moss. She remembered how strange it was that even at that moment, the rain, her wet clothes, her soaked shoes, and his black umbrella seemed more exciting than what was to come._

_--- __  
_

When had she closed her eyes? When she opened them again, the sky was much lighter, and more blue than before. But tints of dawn still danced in her sight. Suddenly, her stomach rumbled, and she realized why. About twenty feet away from her, a family had settled down and started to barbecue. She looked around and found a food stand. Getting up, she took out her wallet and walked towards it.

_--- _

_When she dashed down the stairs, the faint smell of tea and lunch greeted her. She stopped at the front door to take a whiff of the flowers that her father had placed in a vase just a few days ago before she went outside. They smelled of bristling life in the quaint world of change._

_As she walked down the street, she remembered catching the scent of musky, moist plants. A guy walking past her had a lit cigarette, and he decided to breathe out the smoke when she was about six inches away from him. Attacked by this sudden whiff, she went through a few seconds' worth of coughing. At the site of the accident, which was only three blocks away from the shopping mall, she smelled something burning and saw that one of the cars' engine had overheated._

_The minute she laid eyes upon him, she walked towards his direction. She past a food stand, catching a whiff of the goods, and decided that after she got this done and over with, she would go eat lunch at the cafe that was a block away. A woman who walked by her gave off a strong smell of perfume, which quickly dissipated when a gust of wind blew by right afterwards._

_When she stopped with her body about five inches away from his, Syaoran smelled of Syaoran._

_--- __  
_

"You have no idea how long it took for me to finally realize just exactly where you would escape to."

Her eyes widened as she turned to look at him. She was sitting in front of the food stand, eating a sandwich. "Eriol," she stated.

He had taken the seat next to her and ordered a cup of cold water. "Sakura, how are you?"

"Why are you here?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"Because I remembered that this is where the perfect color of blue can be seen on a day like this. And though it is not your favorite color, once in a while, you still try to remember what that shade of color is."

She turned to look at him, watching as the wind played with his hair. She could hear the waves clash onto the beach and the voices of families, friends, or anything laughing and conversing as they enjoyed the day. She could hear his voice as he talked, and remembered that it has been two years since he came to Tomoeda to visit.

"I remember what was said on that day."

"Do you?"

"Yes. What do you think happened?"

"I think you and Syaoran know and I'll only guess inaccurately."

"What was the weather like? How long do you think we talked? How many people did I see? What do you think I felt? What do you think he felt? How wrong do you think you are?"

"Sakura, if you were what everyone said you were, I'm sure Tomoyo would not look as radiant as she does today."

"You're the only one to say that. You're the only one who wasn't involved to have ever said that. And I only try to remember shades of blue once in a while because I'm always surrounded by green. It's not a bad thing, but life needs variety."

"And as to how you two felt," he continued, ignoring the latter part of what she said, "it was probably content. Ease. The weight of the world was finally off your shoulders."

"You're assuming. This is what I have to deal with everytime someone mentions this. They have no idea what happened. And if they thought they did, they've completely forgotten. But Syaoran and me? We remember every word we heard, and every word we said. We remember assisting each other out of our chains."

_--- _

_"Sakura! Don't forget to eat!"  
_

_"I'm running late! I'll find some food on my way there. Bye!"_

_"In the downtown district, two cars crashed in the middle of an intersection. Police are there, but there is no telling as to when traffic will begin to clear..."_

_"So yesterday, I found him-"_

_"Sachiko! If you and your friends don't stop playing this instant, I will NOT buy any candy for you!"  
_

_"But mooooooooooooooom-"  
_

_"So what did you say?"  
_

_"I told her that it wasn't-"_

_"Hello. Please connect me to-"_

_"-which was ridiculous since-"_

_"-for sale! But I was too late."_

_"-food! I want some food!"_

_"Fine, we'll go get some from that stand."_

_"Good afternoon."_

_"Good afternoon."_

_"Did you wait long?"  
_

_"Not really. Crappy weather, huh?" Scowl._

_"Yeah. I'm soaked. My feet feel uncomfortable right now."_

_"Me, too. Anyway, what do you want to do today? Some new movies are out. Or have you eaten yet?"_

_Laughter. "Oh, shut it."_

_"What?" Smirk._

_"I can't believe we decided to meet TODAY. You have bad timing."_

_"Well, you didn't want to do this at school. But really, is there much left to talk bout?"_

_"I didn't want to do this at school because gossip travels faster than the speed of light. And actually, I think we reached an understanding waaay before today. But this is mainly so I can at least feel like SOME book has closed."_

_Laughter. "True."_

_"I know this is coming pretty late, but did you ever think we were really going to do this, Syaoran?"_

_"Not until a few months ago. People change, you know." Shrug. "We've changed. I'm just glad it's a simultaneous thing."_

_"Yeah. I think this is a sign. If we can still be happy whether we are together or not, I think it's a sign."_

_"I did love you, though."_

_Smile. "Me, too. In fact, when I was younger, I thought we would be together forever."  
_

_"ARE you happy with this? I mean-"_

_"Oh, shut up." Sigh. "It doesn't matter whether or not I'm happy with this. What matters is how this affects both of us. But since you asked, I'm not crying my heart out. I'm a little bit sad, but... I feel pretty relieved. Like I can breathe again."_

_"Good. Me, too. Sakura, I want the best for you. I hope you find it, whether it will be in you, or in someone else's connection to you."_

_"Thank you. And the best of luck to you, too. I'll see you at school?"  
_

_"Yeah. What do you think will happen?"_

_"I think I'm going to be the tragic maiden of despair and nothingness without you. And you'll be the reluctant but selfish asshole who dumped me."  
_

_Laughter again. "Oh, I can't wait."_

_Two smiles, one hug, and finally, two different roads._

_--- __  
_

Eriol smiled. "Do you ever feel like tellling them?"

"The people who are involved know the truth. If my close friends ask, then I'll explain. But really, isn't it more than enough for me to know that I am happy? Self-realization was the key part to that day. It doesn't matter to me what stories others want to weave out of this. I'm not a tragic person. My life story is not tragic. Syaoran and I are still good friends and I know now, as I have known for so many years now, that this is more than enough."

"Good." Eriol stood up and swept his hands over his pants to wipe some sand away. He held his hand out to her.

Sakura reached for it and felt her physical state move up until she was almost eye level with his neck. He had grown again. She looked at her watch and found that it was two in the afternoon.

"Well, whatever the case is," Eriol started, "do you want to spend more time here?"

She shook her head, a small smile playing upon her lips. "I've missed you. Let's go back to my home. I'll get some stuff done and then treat you for dinner tonight, okay? How long will you be staying this time?"

The blue-haired male smiled at her as he started to put his shoes on. "Why?"

"I want to know," she said in a matter-of-fact manner. As she looked at his hair, her mind suddenly decided to say that it was the most beauitful shade of blue. Perfect. But still, Eriol was right; she didn't care much for blue.

"It'll be permanent this time."

She nodded her head, reaching for her own shoes, when she paused and turned to look at him. He was nonchalantly tying his shoelaces, but she could see that small smirk. She could see that hint of a secret, and he KNEW she wanted to tear it from him as soon as possible. "What?" she whispered.

He stood up straight again turned towards her. "I'm staying."

"You're... staying? Why?" Her voice was still soft. Still in awe.

He bent down and picked up her shoes. In the next few minutes, the only sound that came out of them was soft breathing. Soft breathing that was drowned out by the blue ocean waves, light pale breeze, and the fact that she still couldn't get over how gorgeous his hair perfect blue hair swayed with the life of their surroundings. She stared down at him, and he stared down at her shoes. When he stood up again, he reached for her hand and began to lead her to the bus stop.

"How about you tell me the truth of that day, and I'll tell you the truth as to why I'm staying?"

Actually, his voice had a perfect tone to it as well.

She frowned. "That doesn't sound like a fair exchange."

He shrugged. "Sakura, do you think I'm worth it?"

"Eriol, I've known you for too many years to even TRY to answer that question with anything less than a term paper's worth of length. But for now, I'll just say this: of COURSE you're worth it."

Smile. "Then it'll be a fair exchange. Truths, after all, tend to be worth more than just mere pennies."


	4. Replay

_I am lazy. That is all you need to know. Sorry that I haven't contacted you in a while, beta. ( You are very cool, I just wanted to let you know._

Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura

Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)

Theme: #14. radio-cassette player

Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me.

**Replay**

Play.

Pause.

Rewind.

Play.

Pause.

...

Stop.

Rewind.

"Sakura? Stop it."

He was given a furtive glance. Then (almost a second afterwards) she grinned, holding the ancient media player in her hands up into the air for him to see. He turned back to his book in hopes that the lack of attention will make her stop. The two of them were sitting in the living room of her house, lazing through the day. She sat sideways in an armchair with her legs hanging off one of the arms, continuously pressing the buttons of the device in her hands. This habit of hers started about ten minutes ago, when boredom finally took hold. He was on the carpet floor, attempting to read a novel.

Suddenly, an idea ran through her mind and she took her headphones off, knowing that what she was going to do would push his buttons even more. Why? Because he would be able to hear it, too. She pressed play once more and the scratched, static sound of a voice seeped out of the ancient speaker that came with the radio-cassette player.

"_A-ahem. I know that this is old-fashioned, but I just found this in my house a few days ago, so I decided to just record something and send this whole thing to you. I mean, it's not like I need this gadget. Who does, right? Cd players are more 'in' than this. But... Spinel? I don't KNOW what to say! Help-_"

Pause.

Stop.

Rewind.

Sakura grinned.

Play.

_"A-ahem. I know that this is old-fashioned, but I just found this in my house a few days ago, so I decided to just record something and send this whole thing to you. I mean, it's not like I need this gadget. Pssh! Who does, right? Cd players are more 'in' than this. But... Spinel? I don't KNOW what to say! Help me here."_

"Tell her about your successful plan in gaining her attention by going over to Japan and making her life a living hell. Then, I suggest you try to wreak havoc upon the world by manipulating her cards. That worked ever-so-well the last time, master."

"I sense sarcasm, Spinel..."

"Oh, really? Well, it's still recording, if you haven't noticed."

"... what? Oh! OH! Sakura! Oh, shit-"

He snapped.

"TURN IT OFF!" he shouted, reaching for it.

In fits of giggles, Sakura vehemently shook her head and held the cassette player away from his reaching grasp. This resulted in tackles and evasions and tickle fights that ended up on the carpet floor. The two of them tumbled, one giving chase in annoyance while the other squealed and tried to sneak away in amusement. Suddenly, the continued recording from so many years ago cut off in the middle and a new form of silence was heard. It lasted for about five seconds before her crystal-clear voice rang through.

"_And if you'd only listen to your silly self once more, you'd be able to hear me tell you that I've cared for you so much longer than before you mailed this to me. Thanks. I love you._"

They paused in their play. Somehow, Eriol ended up partially beneath her. His sporadic breaths and disheveled hair showed that he had a difficult time trying to subdue her. But because of such difficulties, he finally heard it. He stared up at her face while her gaze was on the cassette player. She was fighting the oncoming of a blush. Suddenly, the idea of being underneath her did not seem so unattractive after all.

Without another second to lose, he gently lifted his hands, ran his fingers through her hair until he could cup the back of her head, and pulled her down towards him.


	5. The Untimely Mirror

_Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura_

_Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)_

_Theme: #4. our distance and that person_

_Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me._

**The Untimely Mirror**

The Untimely Mirror speaks of nothing to the powerful magician but of a future that he himself will never be able to experience. People become powerful because they refuse to tie themselves die emotionally. Allies are useful. Enemies are inconvenient. Families and friends are nonexistent.

In his room, on his chair, his gaze wandered off to the mirror that rested upon a wall. It was simple, except for the border, of engraved and shaped metal that snaked itself around the reflection and depicted what time, lives, relationships, and truths really were: neverending.

He held a finger out and pointed at it, putting his energy into the has-not-been, the will-be, the time-that-shall-past that he himself will never be capable of touching, tasting, hearing, or feeling. He has seen the images numerous times, but he desired to see it again.

Clow Reed watched as his own image rippled and distorted, until a new one appeared. The magician smiled as he stared at the happy couple reflecting off the mirror, their hands entwined, and eyes filled with joy. Time. Lives. Relationships. Truths. They were neverending, and he waited with delightful anticipation until they ran into that moment, that instance, when the couple would be allowed to live.


	6. If Dreams Embrace You

Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura

Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)

Theme: #24. good night

Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me. If it did, the ending would've been EXTREMELY different. Song is Never-ending Road (Amhrán Duit), by Loreena McKennitt.

**If Dreams Embrace You**

She doesn't remember how she got there, only that she was walking.

---

_The road now leads onward_

_As far as can be_

_Winding lanes_

_And hedgerows in threes_

_By purple mountains_

_Round every bend_

_All roads lead to you_

_There is no journey's end_

---

It whispered...

_This is a dream, of course._

She was walking down a cement road, the surrounding illuminated by an unidentifiable source of dull-yellow light that further off was enveloped by darkness. Her sky-blue sandals shuffled along the ground with each stride she took. Her clothing was loose and comfortable: a dark red t-shirt that hung loosely off her shoulders and a pair of blue shorts that went below her knees.

She knew that this wasn't real, that her mind often grabbed her by the hand and forcefully dragged her to worlds she would never be able to comprehend. It was as if her subconscious wanted to show her more, but knew that in such a large lake, in such a large body of water, the only possible way to explore was to force her to constantly jump onto the next the stepping stones that were scattered in front of her. So that was what her body did. She would dream countless dreams. She would find herself hurled onto clouds, into intricate mazes built of bricks, and slipping on cracked frozen oceans.

This time, she was only walking. It would have been fine (because she found the darkness relaxing), were it not for the random ghosts who danced in front of her.

Well, some of them danced.

Most of them were flashes of events from the past.

The first one she saw came after an eternity of walking. It was her younger self flying with the help of wings on her staff. From the looks of the costume, she was trying to evade the quick grasp of Water. Each event followed along the same patterns of the first. The faded figures would only appear once their feet touch the road that she walked on. Thus, she mostly saw a few seconds' worth of motion each time.

The second one was of her chasing after Shadow, with a Syaoran just as young as her dashing closely behind. Sakura laughed, but kept walking. Within the blink of an eye, the two had run off the road and disappeared from her view.

She was given an eternity of silence after that. It followed with independent silent musings, most of which that related to why she had decided to not stop. She could feel it within her, this instinctive drive to keep her feet moving. It was a calm, continuous movement, but she knew that it was the equivalent of being forcefully pushed down a hill, steps erratic as she rushed to the end of the slope.

Yet after such an eternity, she found herself observing her life once more. She watched as Fiery scorched down upon her and Syaoran. Her younger self interrupted the silence of her dream many times as the manifested image dashed back and forth. The numerous battles began to mix and meld within her mind until that time of her life became just one battle. It was just the search for any card, at any moment, in any type of clothing, with anybody else along her side. She no longer saw the minute details with each short-lived event; she only saw herself, saw what the images represented.

---

It knew...

_Your glorified days of courage and passion that no longer mean anything to you._

It first started when he appeared, when he smiled at her as he walked into class that first day of school. Sakura watched as he walked to the front of the class and introduced himself before the image quickly faded before her. That was the beginning. Those were her numbered days, the last of her tremendous adventures of trying to identify herself in terms of these little thick pieces of paper that decided to try to mark themselves in her life. The Clow cards became everything to her. She first had to master them, then make them acknowledge her for her wisdom. She had spent years figuring out the spirits within each card, remembering how each one of them felt when she touched it, held it, and called upon it. She was not only a master, but a companion, a friend.

She was not ready for the final battle against the reincarnation, but she had no choice except to try her best. When she had everything to lose without any idea of how much her strength meant in comparison to his, she needed to go all out. The minute it ended, though, she had found what her soul was, what her entire being meant. She had discovered that her destined actions were not a surprise to all those wise enough to have foreseen them.

She also found the end of that one portion of her story.

This was why she (her dreaming self) was not surprised when she saw a train rushing quickly by and saw a split second's worth of a young Syaoran sitting in it while a young Sakura was chasing after it. She saw the stuffed animal. She saw her fingers squeezing into it (as if it meant the world to her) as she reached forward to place it into his own grasp. That present marked the finale of her chase, of everything that elementary school became to her the minute she had first opened that book.

It marked the end of her need to use the Clow cards to define who she was and what she must need to think of in the future.

---

It saw...

_The sands of time that ran out as quickly as the flame of a candle disappears because of a gust of wind. Your time had ended._

Suddenly, the visions jumped to years later. He had come back from Hong Kong to be with her. She saw her middle-school self walking. The projection of her younger self suddenly slowed down, holding a hand to her chest and speaking with a surprised expression upon her face. The path allowed only enough space for her to see Syaoran's outstretched hands grab a hold of her and pull her away from the pathway that Sakura was still walking on.

The next three years of her happiness with him came in quick and constant flashes of motions. Of the two of them running to a commitment that they were late to. Of her rushing through a crowd of people to get to him. Of them holding hands and walking down the street while hundreds of cherry blossom petals gently fell from the trees.

And as each image brought back the timeline of her life, she suddenly began to slow down. She knew what each next step was going to bring. She could tell from the lack of light which used to shine in the eyes of her projected self. She could tell from the way his lips no longer formed that smile that she saw when they took their first steps together to walk to school after he came back.

She did not want to see the next glimpses.

Her next failures.

It didn't matter.

They decided to come to her.

---

It frowned...

_At the weakness that you would still show to a life that you have lived and to a present that you chose for yourself. This is who you are. This is what you must accept._

She wanted to run the opposite way. But what would happen if she did that? Would the images follow her, reversing themselves until her entire past was undone? Would she be able to start all over?

"You don't want that."

Sakura covered her mouth with her hands, trying to not let the sob rip out of her soul. She almost fell apart at the image of her younger self standing in front of her. The image of a Sakura from a little over 18 months ago.

This Sakura had shorter hair than her, was barefoot and wearing a plain, sleeveless light-blue dress.

"I'm scared," Sakura whispered.

The younger self smiled. "You have a right to be. But you still have to keep walking."

"He's not Syaoran."

"And he never will be. Get over it."

"You have to get over Syaoran, too."

"That's why I am bare. That's why everything I once own is no longer in my hands. My feet are cold, my body weathered down, and my hair short."

"We were devastated when we broke up. I was torn. Aren't you? Aren't you still in that moment? Aren't you one with the history that you represent?"

"I represent change. You, you who have let your hair grow back out, who is wearing more clothes, who walks, represent stability. And you are frightened of where that has now led you to. You don't want to go to where he is-"

"Because he is different! He.. I don't know. I know him, but I still worry."

"Keep going." She stepped off the path to her side and turned to look at her older self. Waiting.

"I refuse."

"Why? You don't love Syaoran anymore. Not like you once thought you did."

"Can't I be given more time before I make this choice?" she pleaded.

"You will always have time."

"Then why are you pushing me?!"

"I'm not. _You_ are."

Sakura blanked at that statement. Her younger self sighed.

"_You_ are," she repeated.

And the dream came crashing down, with the ground giving out beneath her feet.

---

It sympathized...

_Because you do need time. And you will always have time. Take months. Take years. Take lifetimes. But remember, you should try to let your body catch you to your heart one day. Sharing your soul with the reality of the world can bring you closer to the emotions that you dream of._

Her younger self disappeared from her view as she fell into the collapse underneath her. She tried to reach up, as all human instincts attempt, but found that the crumbling ground she tried to grasp cracked and broke away. A few seconds after the falling began, she felt a gust of air beneath hold her gently, and she floated in this state.

The darkness of the dream began to melt, like ice that touches a flame. It melted, dripped away, and the dark droplets of her inner truth drained until all she touched around her was white.

For an eternity that was condensed into physical time, she floated and waited. She thought about Syaoran and their past relationship, about how after having spent time together, they found the means necessary to continue to happiness. This, unfortunately, did not include the two of them as a couple.

Their separation meant numerous things, but mostly, it represented growth. If they had clung on stubbornly to one another, the sickness that would have manifested from this unhealthy relationship would have consumed them.

After about six months of moving on, he returned from England.

So far, he had not left.

Since Sakura had, for all these years, enhanced her magic and thus expanded her perspective to a new level of clarity, she soon realized that their interactions held a significance. Yet even with so many years of guidance to living life, she quickly dismissed her discoveries and feigned ignorance.

As Sakura stared into the white space, she gave a sigh.

He was a gorgeous person, even from so long ago, and even more so now. His words were spoken with too much grace, too much emotion, and she loved listening to that specific tone that only his voice carries. She enjoyed their time together, such as drinking tea or coffee at a cafe, and having conversations that would either lead to an endless argument, or a comfortable silence after all had been said.

But they never truly reached such an instant, where every single word was said, because he always stopped at one point, and she would allow the mood of finality settle in. After all, she never wanted to pursue it.

When out of the blue, she remembered what her dream had been telling her.

"_Keep going."_

_"I'm not. _You _are."_

Suddenly, she felt a sudden gust of wind begin to blow.

"_Keep walking."_

You are given time, she heard. But you can only spend so much of it in one place. It is time for you to leave.

And Sakura plummeted once again. Head first.

She was falling down, down into a world that was light, light, light. Filled with white colors and bright stars and pale pastels that dashed off into the distance. As she continued to descend, she opened her arms wide to what she would become, to whom she would be received by. Then, time slowed, and she slowed with it.

So when she closed her eyes and felt light, warm arms wrap around her to slowly pull her down from her fall, she smiled.

---

And finally, it said...

_You know. You are. Accept._

When Sakura opened her eyes and felt a hand entwined with hers, she lifted it up slowly to touch it to her lips. She tilted her up to see him sitting in a chair next to her bed.

"Eriol..."

---

_Here is my heart and I give it to you_

_Take me with you across this land_

_These are my dreams, so simple and few_

_Dreams we hold in the palm of our hands_


	7. Intentions

_Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura_

_Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)_

_Theme: #21. violence; pillage/plunder; extortion_

_Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me._

**Intentions**

He had decided to walk her home from high school. His hands were full from holding his book bag and a stack of newspapers that he borrowed from the library, so she settled with just having him by her side. (Though he did emphasize in a tone that was on the verge of a musical note, "I dearly wish to hold your hands instead of having to feel the course, cheap material that these papers are made of. Oh, how DEARLY I wish to hold such soft, gorgeous, delicate, loving-!"

"_GOT IT_, Eriol. Now quiet down!"

Oh, she also blushed. _Furiously_.)

She barely remembered what they were discussing as they passed under the barren cherry blossom trees. But she did enjoy the moment where he tilted his head down to lightly touch the side of hers, both of them laughing softly at a joke that he just told. After a small brush of his lips against her cheek, he backed away to gather together the papers that were beginning to slip from his grasp.

Though the time of day was late afternoon and the winter chill was lightly whispering in the air, they slowed down as they neared the park with the penguin slide to spend some more time together. Sakura pointed out the closest bench, so he placed his items down on it (the book bag acting as a paperweight for everything else) before taking his uniform jacket off.

"Isn't it a bit cold for that?"

"The weather isn't too bad, Sakura," he smiled, sitting down next to her as he placed his jacket around her shoulders.

She eyed him warily. "If you say so."

"Though I am more than flattered over how worried you are for me. Thank you-"

"AHH!"

Before Eriol had even been able to inch close enough to kiss her again, a ball bounced off his arm, onto the ground, and slowly rolled to a stop. He sighed, turned to look further ahead, and saw a young boy racing quickly to their area of the park.

"Mister, I'm _sorry_!!!" he shrieked. "I _told_ Rei he throws too wildly!"

From further off, a "I do NOT, Izumi!" retort could be heard.

Eriol got off the bench to pick up the ball. Kneeling down, he handed it to the winded out boy. "Here you go," he smiled. He patted the boy on the head.

"Thanks, mister. I'm sorry it hit you. Rei's throwing sucks." ("Shut UP, IZUMI!!!")

"Well, Izumi, I think you should be getting home now," Eriol stated. "It's getting pretty late, and I'm sure your parents are worried."

"Nuh-uuuuh. They always let us stay out until now. Sometimes even later."

Eriol's eyebrows went up. "Really? That's interesting," he mused, one hand rubbing his chin as if he was contemplating something. "I would think they would be more worried about you..." He looked down at Izumi. "Do you and Rei always play ball here?"

"Yes," Izumi nodded. "Why?"

"I sure hope you two don't always accidentally hit strangers with them..."

Izumi shrugged. "Rei's throwing sucks," he repeated.

Eriol frowned.

Finally on the edge of impatience over Eriol's secrecy, Izumi outright asked, "What's going on? Why should our parents care?"

Eriol kneeled once more in front of the child and frowned. "I've heard on the news about some gang members who have moved into Tomoeda recently. People don't recognize these yakuza right away because they dress like regular people, you and me. But their temper is not something that you should mess with. Why, just a few days ago, shortly before the zoo was about to close, a little girl, who is very close to your age, was playing with a squirt gun her parents bought for her. At the exit, she accidentally hit an adult with it, and a few days later... Oh, Izumi," Eriol tsked. He shook his head, despair clearly written upon his face. "How many people did you and Rei hit today with that ball?"

After three seconds of a pause, Izumi whimpered, "W-what happened to the girl?"

Eriol sighed. "That's for us grown-ups to know, okay? But don't worry. How about you give that ball to me and run home now? As long as--OW!!" He turned around and was about to tell that person off, when he looked up and saw a seething Sakura glaring down at him. _Uh oh._

Before he could say anything else, she turned to the child, placed her hands on his shoulders and gave him the most comforting smile that she could manage in this state. "Look," she started. "Don't listen to him. Take the ball back to your friend and go have a good time until your parents come to pick you up. It's only 4 in the afternoon, and I promise that no bad strangers EVER come to this park. Go have fun!" With that, she gave him a pat on the back, which really was more of a light push into the direction from which he came from.

He turned back and stuttered, "I-I-I think we're going to g-go home now." Without another second to lose, he dashed back to his now-confused friend, pulling on Rei's sleeve as if the world was about to end.

"Eriol!" Sakura reprimanded, turning to face him as he stood up from where he had knelt. "I couldn't hear you from where I was sitting, so I just assumed that you were just trying to have a nice conversation with the poor boy. When I saw that tears were about to stream down his face, I went up to the two of you. And THEN, not ONLY were you trying to scare him home, you tried to take his BALL away! What were you thinking?!"

Oh, no. She was definitely mad. But what if he tried to explain...

Eriol smiled and wrapped his arms around her. "He ruined the kiss that I wanted to give you. So in return I ruined his day." From the way she tensed in his embrace, he realized that he had gotten it wrong.

In fact, he was 100 sure he was wrong when she threw his jacket back at him.

It took two months of pleading and apologizing before she allowed him to walk her home again.


	8. For Once, We Synchronized

_Finally! All my 30kisses have been uploaded here. Yay! Yeah, the last four chapters were complete within the span of about half a year or so. I just finally uploaded them all at once right now. Thanks for your patience! I hope these unbetaed things haven't been too annoying for you to read through._

_Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura_

_Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)_

_Theme: #10. 10_

_Warning/rating: It's just pretty heavy pg-13, actually. I doubt that it's R. Feather-light R, should it even be R. But if anyone has issues w/ this rating, tell me so I won't get in trouble, kay?_

_Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me._

**For Once, We Synchronized  
**

He gently picked her up from the floor and carried her towards the elevator. Two cups of strong wine and five shots of heavy vodka later, she had fallen off of her stool and left him staring at her passed-out form. The bartender told him to either do something about his friend or security would.

If his head wasn't swimming in the same liquid contents as her, though at a significantly smaller level, he would have given that bartender something else to think about. Instead, Eriol replied that there was no need for a warning as he had already bent down to help her. The trip to the elevator consisted of his complete restraint from showing the amount of energy it took to carry her. When one of the elevator doors opened, he walked in and asked a business man who was already in it in to press the button for the 16th floor.

Seconds later (that really lasted long enough to seem like hours) he exited the elevator.

_"It's the tenth room from the left, Eriol."_

"Excuse me? Can you please get my key card out of my jacket's left pocket and help me open the door?" he asked a servant who had just handed off a room service request.

The courteous employee did as such and continued to hold the door open until Eriol was able to softly place Sakura on her bed to retrieve the key card from him. He tipped the man and quickly closed the door.

Finally, he sank to the floor as he felt the alcohol rush through his body and surge up to his head. He found him breathing quicken, determining it to be the tightness of his clothing. Without another thought, he discarded his outer shirt and shoved it off to a corner. He placed one hand against the door, another on the floor, and pushed himself back up onto his feet.

"Oh..." he heard a groan and looked at the bed.

Her eyes slowly fluttered open, a crease on her brow from the passing pain that she felt. She lightly touched a hand to her forehead before her irises shifted around. They moved in random directions, as if trying to pin themselves onto a specific object that they could not find. Once her gaze found him sitting on the door, the searching stopped. She tilted her head to the side, looking at him, letting her hand drop back down onto the bed.

"Eriol..."

Almost like she only just realized he was here.

He felt hot, uneasy, as if his entire face was a-flamed from the situation. He took his glasses off for a moment to rub his eyes, only to find that it made him slightly dizzy and light-headed. He dropped his glasses anyway. He staggered in her direction, staring at the carpet floor and wondering why it was such an ugly shade of faded brown. A second later, he wondered why he hadn't yet taken his shoes off, so he carefully bent down to untie his shoelaces. Why were his shoes such a dark color of black? There must have been other darker or lighter shades of black that he could have chosen. No matter. Seconds (it might have even been minutes) later, he stepped out of them.

When he looked back up, she had already wrapped her arms around his waist and her lips somehow found their way to bare skin between his shoulder and neck that his shirt collar did not cover up. Her tongue licked lightly once, before it ran itself fully from the edge of the collar to his neck. At the same time, her hands slowly ran up from his waist to his shoulder blades.

Breathing.

His own hands reached to grip her shoulders to push her off of him. Yet the second she looked at him, he took her arms and led them to wrap themselves around his neck, touching him again, ensuring that her grasp on him was secure. He lifted her, felt her legs automatically cling to him, and slammed her up against the closest wall, his lips pressing desperately against her own. Her fingers were deep in his hair, her tongue invading his mouth. He was dizzy and this sudden strength in holding her was beyond any means of reason that he could conjure up.

When their mouths disconnected for oxygen, she finally had something to say to him.

"Why? Why can I finally embrace you?"

Eriol moved his head forward so that his lips were only that much away from hers. "You know why," he whispered. "Now be quiet so we can put our mouths, and everything else, to better use." And instead of returning to the heat that her tongue provided, he began to rain kisses down her cheek.

She laughed, only it came out soundless, and a loud breath of gasp. When he pressed his lips against her throat, she emitted a groan and closed her eyes. He would have continued, were it not for the fact that she had started to bunch up his shirt so she could reach underneath it to feel his warm skin against her cold hands.

He laid his head against the hollow between her neck and shoulders, burning, suffocating, coiling.

"How much can you take?" she asked softly, nuzzling her head against his hair.

He choked down what might have been something between a sob and an exclamation. "This is the alcohol."

"Regrets?"

He looked up into her eyes. "Have you?"

Her hands lifted the fabric from beneath and pulled it over his head, letting it slip through her fingers to fall onto the ground next to them. He tilted his head lower, more soft kisses down her neck to her chest, moist lips through her tank top.

"None."


	9. It's Not Even About Me Anymore

_Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura_

_Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)_

_Theme: #18. __「アーン？」_

_Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me._

_Notes: Review?_

**It's Not Even About Me Anymore**

_"Aaaaaan? Are you saying that this gorgeous chick here would go out with _you_?"_

_"She IS going out with me."_

He would never admit it in front of her, but Eriol always reveled in getting revenge on the guys who would blatantly flirt with his girlfriend. The fact that this one hadn't shit his pants yet gave the guy major points.

"Eriol? The tiger has been chasing him around for over an hour now. Let him go."

"But..."

"Come on, Eriol. It's not even about me anymore."

He jutted his lower lip out in a pout, as if asking for something from her in return.

Sakura sighed, and turned to a spectator next to her, a business man whose glasses were about to fall off from the disaster that he was watching. "He loves doing this," she explained, not caring whether the man was listening or not, before turning back to Eriol. "I'll give you five more minutes of this before we're breaking up," she blackmailed (Can you believe it?! She _dared_ to use their relationship as a means of controlling him. Hmph. As if... as if that would work...). "I _know_ you're only going about this because you selfishly enjoy it."

...well, maybe he doesn't have to admit anything to her after all.


	10. All the Suns in the Universe

Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura

Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)

Theme: #12. in a good mood

Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me.

Notes: As I have said, I'm kinda in a need of a beta. Anyone who's interested, please e-mail me or leave a comment in the reviews. My e-mail is in my profile. I need someone who can correct horribly butchered grammar. I still love you, old beta! Hope you're doing well! Other than that, this is one of the more enjoyable ones that I have written so far. Any feedback is welcome! Also, though I've been using it for about a year now, I completely abhor this new ff.n formatting, that doesn't allow for anything other than fucking letters. It's almost oppressive, that's what it is. I don't want your fucking ruler! I can MAKE my own, if you just added a few more options, asshole! (endrant)

**All the Suns in the Universe**

She had gone to his house for the day. The sun was out, gleaming in a sky so clear and uniformly blue that her gaze drowned in it each time she found herself staring.

_His eyes_, she was reminded of for brief moments.

She arrived shortly before noon, and he greeted her with a short kiss on her forehead the minute he opened the door.

"Lunch?" he asked.

"Isn't it a bit early?"

"No."

She spent about ten minutes helping him before he pushed her away from the kitchen area to sit and wait. ("It's not that you are lacking in this, but you are a guest.") So she sat by the small dining table, her eyes following his movements whenever he moved to another part of the kitchen. A nearby clock chimed 12pm three times, which consisted of a loud series of short piano keys hit in precise, short moments. He continued to slice a loaf of bread, listening for the subtle noise of boiling water from the kettle.

Sakura closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, listening to the world move around her. She could smell the food, a strong fragrance of something done cooking in a pot. She could hear him opening and closing cabinets, a rustling of clothing, the silent steps of his feet. She finally opened her eyes again when she felt his fingers run through her hair. He smiled at her.

"Your tea is ready."

She went to help.

After lunch, they walked to his library on the second floor, a room surrounded by windows on two adjacent walls, and endless shelves of books on the remaining two. She entered in first, continued to the other side of the room to jump onto a large couch that had been warmed by the sun's rays. She heard him follow. He sat down next to her, relaxing on one of the corners of the couch with the armrest supporting half of his back. Grinning, she reached an arm up. He followed through, in that he grabbed her, and pulled her into his grasp. She rested her head on his chest, in the groove between his shoulder, arm, and chest, and giggled when he placed his chin on the top of her head. He wrapped his arms around her, eyes closed, enjoying the moment.

The sun poured in from the windows and they basked in the warmth of it for unspoken moments. She loved him so much. More than the sky. More than the sun. More than anyone. More than promises. More than hopes.

A sudden spark of thought.

_"Maybe we have met, before we were born."_

A shred in the silence. He sensed a change in the mood that encompassed them.

"What?"

"How could we have met before we were born?"

Eriol laughed. "What? You mean what I said that first day I saw you in school? Well, we did, didn't we?"

"No," she scowled. "I met Clow, before YOU were born. But what about _my_ former self? Do I have a former self?"

Eriol shook his head. "You're misreading the phrase. It's in terms of time, not pre-reincarnated selves. BEFORE either of us were born, in the far past, you had an encounter with my former self, Clow."

"Technically, I never met _you_, then. I met Clow Reed, before either of us was born."

Resolute tone.

Eriol sighed. "If you say so..."

Sakura tensed in his arms. "Don't humor me," she whispered.

"I'm not. I just don't understand why you brought this up so suddenly."

"... I have problems with our history, with the time when your incidences in Tomoeda forced me to change the cards to fit my power."

"What would you rather have me do? Go and tell you?"

"Yes, but unfortunately, you had your own reasons to make me do it, and thus kept everything secretive. You could have trusted me, Eriol."

"Oh, really?" She hated that tone in his voice. She loved his voice, but hated that tone. "I could have walked up to your front door and said, 'Excuse me, Kinomoto Sakura-san? I am Eriol. Please change all your Clow Cards into Sakura Cards so that your magic will become stronger. Then, use that strong magic and split my own magic in two so YOU can hold the title of Most Powerful, while I go relax and get a cup of coffee. Bye.' Would that have worked?"

She clenched her teeth, jaw tight. "I have no regrets of who I am."

"Which is great. But I had no guarantees that you would feel this way."

"... then what am I to you, Eriol? Am I just a puppet? Was I always?"

"You are never. Why would you assume that?"

"You strung me, my guardians, everyone, except for a selected few, along the entire way. I am _who_ I am because of your own desires. I now _have_ the option to see in the future, whether I want this option or not, because of what you desire. I was devastated when you finally decided to outright fight me and explained what the conditions were. Make my whole world fall asleep? That was no challenge. You could have easily beaten me. And yet you didn't, because you planned all this out to fit your own needs. But, then I begin to wonder. I feel dread sometimes, thinking about it. If you were angry enough, would you have really done as you had said?"

"Stop delving into this. There's no need for it."

"_Would_ you?"

"Who would I have to talk to if I did that?"

She turned to sit up and look at him, a hard glare of cold anger hitting him. "So you see? It's still just a game, and I am only a piece. 'Maybe we have met, before we were born'? Why say that to me? Why riddle me with little _clues_ and then _nothing_ until the very end, Eriol?! Could I not have fitted the puzzle together sooner? You got to know me, you trusted me. Why did you have to deceive me for so long?! _Did_ you trust me? Was I not worth it, unlike Mizuki-sensei?"

At that point, he reached for her. She moved back, but his reach caught her shoulders and pulled her forward. "Stop it," he said, his voice low, staring into her eyes. "You look like you're almost on the verge of tears over this."

"I'm stronger than that."

"Good, but that still doesn't excuse these accusations you're making. Yes, I am who I am. What I have seen and what I have experienced gave me this personality. You may not like this, but I do view humanity with a certain bit of cynicism. And you _were_ 11 years old at the time."

"I'm not all that much older now."

"Good observation. Yet I love you all the same. I want you to be by my side, and I want you to accept who I am. Besides, we were different then, as we are different now from when we were even younger, and different from whom we will be in the future. At that time, Kaho and I had a connection. You and Syaoran were the same. We were younger."

She gave herself a few minutes to take this in, before continuing the conversation.

"...I lied. It's true."

"What?"

"Regrets," she finally admitted, sighing and falling back onto his chest. "I do have them. _Constantly_."

"Of course. You can never live on the edge, but instead can have only one or the other, 100 of the time. You have to walk the border between knowing and never. And you can never have both. Along my old lifetime, I did make that choice somewhere, and I can barely remember a period when I could not see into the future."

She closed her eyes. "At this moment, I have no desire to see. But I always worry: what if I do? What if, in the future, I do want to? Will I be saddened, like what happened to Clow? Will I see it as a curse? How long will it last as a blessing? Will I burn my own self and separate the ashes into two, three, or more to be rid of it?" She turned so her cheek pressed against his heartbeat, moved to touch her lips lightly on that exact spot, and placed her cheek back on it. "Yes, I do have regrets. Sometimes, I wonder if I could have done something different, if I could have somehow left the burden on you. If maybe I can always blame you for this."

He rested his hand on her head. "I know. Yet magic changes. Yours has traits that mine does not, and mine had some that yours could never reach. Maybe you will be the one to find the answer."

"Is it because my star is not your sun?"

"Yes. But remember, all stars are sun and all suns are stars. Yours is a still sun and mine is still a star."

Sakura smiled. "Which of all the ones out there do you think I'm depending on?"

"The sun that suits you most."

"Which one? Tell me," she insisted.

"How should I know?" he laughed.

Silence filled the atmosphere. She nestled herself back into that spot of his body that she rested on before. His chin returned to the top of her head, his arms around her. The sun was still shining brightly in the sky, in the middle of the sea of blue that never changed in tone or shade as wide as the peripheral vision could reach.

Sakura grinned. Her eyelids felt heavy, so she shut her eyes and listened to her own breathing. A while later, she angled her head up and nuzzled his neck, before looking up into eyes that were already gazing down at her.

"I want to go stargazing sometime."

He loved her. Always. Never. Forever. Sporadically. Momentarily. Instantly. Constantly. Whenever. As far as the blue can reach as she drowned herself in the sky. As long as she could see, feel, touch, breath, he will captivate her.

"Of course," he said.


	11. I Don’t Think That Has Any Bones In It

_Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura_

_Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)_

_Theme: 28. Wada Calcium CD3_

_Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me._

_Notes: Dedicated to suppistenshi (on LJ), cuz she rocks my world. And loves Spinel. But mostly cuz she rocks my world._

_Also, still in need of beta!_

**I Don't Think That Has Any Bones In It**

"Spinel? What is this?" he asked, confused as to why it was in their household.

He shook the bottle a few times close to his ear and heard the tablets inside rattle.

The small guardian glanced up for a second from his reading before quickly looking back down (mostly in realization that the book was more interesting than what was going on outside of the text). "A present."

"For Nakuru?"

"For you."

Eriol arched an eyebrow up.

"Spinel. What are you trying to say about me?"

Not even bothering to look up, he answered, "What do you think, master?"

"That I'm not tall enough?"

"Try again."

"That I need strong bones?"

"Of course."

"I think I already have that, Spinel."

Spinel sighed, propping his head up on an elbow. "Master, you have reached that age-"

"Haven't I already?"

"-that we have anticipated for some time now," he continued, as if uninterrupted. "Since you and the master of Cerberus and Yue have become comfortable in each other's company-"

"Wait, wait, wait," Eriol held a hand up. He didn't know whether he should be amused or shocked by where this conversation was heading, and who was directing it. "Spinel, _what_ exactly do you think we'll be doing?"

"Why, everything," he said bluntly, "which is why you need to keep your bones strong and healthy. We don't want you injuring and damaging any body parts that are vital to a man's masculine existence."

"…kissing doesn't require strong bones."

"I know."

"What?"

"I know."

"Then…"

"…."

"…."

Finally…

"Sex."

…………

"Spinel…."

"Just in _case_, master-"

"For _all_ the reading that you do, you know _nothing_!" Eriol said, voice rising in volume at a (no surprise to everyone else) shockingly high rate. He felt mortified, not only for himself, but for his ignorant guardian. "That organ _has_ no bones in it!"

Spinel tilted his head to one side, as if processing this new information. Pause. "Really now?"

"Pfft!"

A stifled laugh. Eriol turned around and suddenly found himself caught between a stupid Spinel, and a highly amused Nakuru, accompanied by an _extremely_ uncomfortable Sakura. With this idiotic bottle of calcium tablets in his hands. Now if only Nakuru would just keep his profound philosophy to himself…

"Suppi!!!!!!" Nakuru laughed, waving a finger in the air. "Master doesn't need any of _that_. If you are concerned about his performance or health, the better choice would be v-"

A bottle of Wada Calcium CD3 knocked the guardian right in the face.


	12. Understanding

_Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura_

_Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)_

_Theme: 2. news; letter_

_Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me._

_Notes: Boy, it is WEIRD to try and write S/S again, but I really wanted to attempt a perspective of the E/S relationship in a nonromantic sense. Don't worry. This'll be the only one. I never want to try it again. Haha._

**Understanding**

Every letter that she received from him in England was always short and straight to the point. He never spent a single moment flourishing any of his words, romanticizing any event, or jotting down daydreams and wishes that she would have liked to read about. The only thing she expected from every letter was the traditional sentence that ended each one: _I hope you and Syaoran are doing well._

For the drama and the gossip, she depended on Mizuki-sensei and Nakuru to keep her well-informed. Nakuru was the first to mail her a photograph of Eriol's older self, who changed his physical appearance to complement his beloved. This happened within months of them leaving Tomoeda. But as far as substance, Nakuru's letters consisted of cooing over new feminine clothing that fit him perfectly or complaining about Spinel's lack of fun in every angle that he could think of. Oh, and _master's wonderful here_, _master's wonderful there_, _master picked on a human today here_, and _master picked on a human today there_.

Mizuki-sensei, on the other hand, was a pleasant in-between. She combined updates on everybody's life with a little bit of joyful commentary everywhere. As delighted as Sakura was to receive any of Nakuru's letters (his contained the most photographs), Mizuki-sensei's were the ones that took her the longest to read.

But it was always Eriol who took her the longest to write back to.

She never did it intentionally, but hours were spent in thinking of the right thing to say. Or she would then remember something else that she had to tell him, so another three paragraphs' worth of writing was added in. Or she would remember more questions that she wanted to ask him, so she asked that question, and added elaborations to it as numerous afterthoughts. In the end, she would always have at least three written pages to stuff into a small envelop addressed to him.

Yet the only letters she ever received back consisted of concise, half-a-page answers to her previous letter's questions, and ended with _I hope you and Syaoran are doing well_.

This continued for about four years. And somewhere along the way, Sakura realized that she could read Eriol, himself, in his bland letters. For anyone else, all they could still see is _Kaho took me to visit an old schoolmate of hers_ or _Nakuru bought more this-and-that_ or _I went to visit so-and-so_.

Sakura began to comfortably comprehend the unspoken opinions that came with such short responses. "Took me" implied a sense of unwillingness, while "I went" meant Eriol was more than eager to see this "so-and-so." And almost anything that dealt with Nakuru buying something was always exasperating (she only figured this out from everything that Mizuki-sensei told her every time Nakuru's newest product ended up wrecking or messing up the house).

_I hope you and Syaoran are doing well_ became the most affectionate way any person could end a letter to her, and Eriol was the only one to do so.

Three more years passed in this fashion, with Eriol's personality now unconsciously inserted into his half-paged letters to her. She continued to write entire essays for him to read. She continued to receive schoolgirl letters stapled to photographs from Nakuru. She continued to intently read Mizuki-sensei's letters, though the original purpose that they served was no longer applicable. And in these three years, Eriol's letters always knew to say: _I hope you and Syaoran are doing well._

Suddenly, one day, Eriol's letter almost made Sakura fall off her seat. She gasped, instinctively holding a hand to her mouth in shock, before a smile began to form. A small laugh escaped her lips while she clutched the letter to her chest. She knew exactly what this meant, and she knew _he_ knew that she could read his disposition through his letters very easily. Thus, Sakura was touched by how much he trusted her. Yes, she and Syaoran was priority to him, but he did have someone even more special than them.

Syaoran, who had just finished work and arrived home to find her in this state, shook his head. He smirked. "Letter from Eriol?"

She nodded.

He took off his shoes and walked to her, giving her a small peck on her forehead. "What? Is it three-quarters of a page instead of half?"

"No," she corrected, still grinning. "It's even shorter."

Syaoran furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "… okay... I don't get it."

She held the letter out for him to read, and his expression didn't change. All he did was say, "We knew this was going to happen sooner or later. When should we leave?" He still didn't quite understand, but he did know what he had to do.

"Soon!" she said gleefully, jumping up and down.

"How about next week?"

"Okay!" She couldn't stop smiling. She couldn't stop feeling antsy. She loved Eriol so much. She loved herself for all of these letters from everyone and to everyone for all these years. She loved Syaoran, who also loved her back, who gave her an engagement ring two months ago.

She was also going to love packing for the trip to England.

_To Sakura: Wedding is in a month. I hope you and Syaoran are doing well. Kaho hopes that you can make it._


	13. Back and Forth

_Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura_

_Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)_

_Theme: 13. excessive chain_

_**RATING: R**_

_Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me._

**Back and Forth**

-----

i.

"Come live with me," he stated, almost as if it wasn't a request.

She was brushing her hair, looking at the bathroom mirror when he said that. Her eyes turned to look at his reflection. "Huh? Come again?"

"Come live with me."

She placed the brush back into a side cabinet and removed the hair tie from her wrist. Before she could reach up to gather her hair together, he has already gently raked his fingers through it.

"Let me," he said from behind.

She sighed. "I would, but Touya-nii…" she started, letting the unfinished sentence hang in the air while she gently batted his hands away. Her hair wasn't too long, but it was enough for a short ponytail.

He bent down, face on her shoulder, frames and lens of his glasses pushing gently into her skin. She smiled and stroked his hair, when a glimpse of a glaring Touya who was passing by made her hand recoil faster than if it had touched fire. Eriol hadn't noticed, still in the middle of breathing in her scent.

She sighed once more. It probably had something to do with thinking too much and going through a whole lot more. "Is this because I just got into college?" she asked.

"No," he replied, voice soft, tone soothing.

Sakura closed her eyes, tucking familiar memories back into little drawers and closing them, protecting the images from wear and damage. She could see her father with a content expression on his face as he prepared breakfast and Touya-nii's look of concentration as he read an article from the paper. He was only back for the weekend, since his job was about a one-hour drive away.

She opened her eyes, only to see his watchful eyes gazing at her through his bangs, his chin resting the crook of her neck. She wanted to refuse, wanted to tell him that she was too scared to move anywhere, even away from his touch. Instead, she gave him the only smile that she could muster up at the moment.

"Okay."

_"Niisan, you don't come back as often these days."_

_"I don't have to anymore, gaki."_

-----

ii.

The bed was too cramped. It wasn't big enough for two people, she kept arguing inside of her head. In reality, if the two of them slept at each end, there would still be at least two feet worth of empty space in between.

This was exactly how it had been since she arrived a month ago.

She was never cold, but she also didn't feel overwhelmingly hot, either. It felt like a compromise. She could continue to stay in this indeterminate state, or try to find out what would happen if she closed the gap in between. But she liked the section of bed fenced off for her and he never said anything. Also, other than the first few instances of feeling the bed move every time he crept in, or when she silently lifted the covers on her side to slip in after he had dozed off, she slept very easily

But those two moments disrupted her peace of mind. She hated being on that brink every single time: the brink of the filled glass about to tip over, the brink of a strong wind blowing on a weak candle's flame, but never disappearing. Once they started sleeping, everything was okay. But during the moment when one descended upon the bed after the other, there is the split second of the two on the same bed, at the same time, and yet still moving. Once the second had settled, she could allow the silence to fall upon them.

Questioning the status quo was not an option for her. So she went to bed like this every night, and woke up every morning after him. He would always be in the kitchen, brewing coffee that she could smell. She would get out of bed, gather the clothing she would wear for the day, and quickly slip into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her just moments before he entered back into the bedroom.

_"Are we a couple?"_

_"No. Good luck with classes today."_

-----

iii.

On his birthday, she gave him two gifts. First, the cake she baked was almost completely eaten by Nakuru. Eriol was privileged to have one slice, the initial slice from the cake that he had cut for himself.

Second, she skipped school entirely.

Eight days later, he woke her up in the morning with a sharp shake of her shoulder, seconds later scattering an armful of cherry blossoms into the air above her head. She was groggy and only half-awake as they gently floated down, decorating the heavy blanket that covered her.

_"Happy birthday."_

_"Happy birthday."_

-----

iv.

"When did he become so serious?" she asked Nakuru one day. She took a sip of her tea, enjoying time with the guardian. Eriol had gone out to run errands for the rest of the weekend.

He shrugged. "Probably when he gave Kaho up."

She paused in the middle another sip, before gently putting the cup back down. "Gave her up? How?"

Nakuru narrowed his eyes in that knowing smirk. "Aaaaaan? You don't know?"

She hated that tone, but she hated herself more for feeling ire rise up within her. "What if I don't?" she retorted. "There are certain aspects of his life that he has the right to keep away from others. I can understand."

The guardian looked her up and down, then nodded. "Yes, I supposed. Well, I'm at no inclination to tell you," he said, leaning back on his chair. "After all, it's not as if you've told him about Syaoran."

The words were sharp, intended for violence. She accidentally knocked her cup over when she reached for a slice of bread. Flustered, and sensing more faint signs of frustration breeding within, she went to the kitchen to get a towel in hopes to have some time to cool off.

When she came back, Nakuru was silently chewing on an apple he bit into. She never said a word as she started to clean up. After he swallowed, he looked up at her from where he sat. "Get over it. Why move in here when you haven't gotten over it?"

That was enough.

She stormed out. The bedroom door closed behind her.

_"… What's going on?"_

_"How's Kaho-chan?"_

_"Nakuru…"_

-----

v.

She didn't care how he had unlocked the door. In fact, she didn't care that he had unlocked it in the first place. He climbed into bed, opposite to her. She tensed and knew he felt it. She always tensed up when he did that.

She hated silence. She hated the silence that hovered over this house since she moved in. She hated the silence that floated around the two of them before this. She knew why she was thinking about this now, of all times. Nakuru always had a way with words, especially when it came to provoking emotions. She hated him, too. She hated this moment, because she knew that he knew what had happened, yet he didn't say anything. She hated the tension. To escape from it, she ducked beneath the blanket, clutching a portion of it with an iron grip.

She hated the bed, she thought to herself as she squeezed her eyes shut. For the longest time, she clenched herself up like that. When she finally relaxed and let out a long breath, she felt her body give way.

Five minutes later, she rolled over, decreasing the gap by a foot.

He felt it, felt the sinking of the mattress closer to him, and reacted in an instant.

He moved to hold her, lips attacking any bare skin that was exposed to him. She first felt them on her forehead. Then her eye, cheek, lips, chin, throat, chest, breast, nipple, stomach, before she realized that the heavy blanket had been discarded, along with her shirt.

When she found his eyes at level with hers, his glasses discarded long ago, she shut her eyes, wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him close to her. She kissed him, invading his mouth with her tongue and feeling him respond back with his own. His hands gripped her waist, slowly moving up, mapping out her body, curving along her back, caressing the sorrow. They softly raked her hair back, cupped her face. Seeped warmth into her skin.

Sakura's breath hitched and felt a sob almost rip out of her. She bunched his shirt up, clutching onto it tightly. But he only responded with more caresses. More soothing. More fire. She pushed him onto his back and straddled his hips, bending down to look into his face.

He reached a hand up, wiping the tears that had started to flow.

Shutting her eyes and biting her lips, Sakura mentally withdrew. Everything was too suffocating. The bed was too big. The house was too big. Her world was too big. Her once-but-a-long-time-ago dreams were too big and she couldn't hold onto them.

"I'll help," he whispered.

She slowly opened her eyes, finding herself staring down at him. Whimpered.

"Mizuki-sensei…"

"She's not you."

"What happened?"

Pause.

"She's not you."

She wanted to hit him. She saw red for so many moments, in flashes of instances of time that were within gaps of eternal silence.

"What _are_ we?" she insisted.

"If you're still asking, I'm still going to answer in the same way."

"But-"

"Then why are you still asking?"

Her eyes widened.

He chuckled, resting the hand on her cheek, stroking it with his thumb. "Stop it, when you knew the answer long before you started asking."

She felt the tears beginning to cease, realization dawning. What more could she have from him? What more of him could she try to possess? He can't belong to anyone, but he had to belong to her, completely. She bent down to kiss the side of his throat, the crux of his shoulder, his hand reaching behind to clutch the back of her head in encouragement. Her hands moved lower and lower, to the waistline of the shorts, and pushed them down until her fingers found what they were looking for. The slightest touch, the smallest movements, and she felt him arch beneath her, heard the sporadic breaks and pauses of his breath.

She loved him. He loved her long before that. And now she was too hungry to ever stop.

She removed the rest of her clothing (he sighed as she had released him), his own discarded shortly after. She loved the heat the emitted from his bare skin. His chest against hers, his arms around her waist, all of the heat produced soothed her. Yet the bed was still too big. (She really hated the bed.) As she kissed, touched, breathed, she would not let him have more than half-a-foot of distance from her body. She straddled him and started to stroke him again. His touch, sometimes shaken from the sensations she put him through, left faint whispers of fire as he pulled her down each time she tried to sit up for more oxygen, as he cupped a breast and kissed it when she leaned over, as she picked herself up and slowly lowered down onto him.

It was painful, with her hands pressing down on his chest. He caressed her shoulder blade in comfort, watching her face the entire time. Enchanted. She needed to breathe; she needed the composure, especially since she was so close to him again. Just a bit more, a bit lower, and the emptiness would diminish.

Lost everything when he thrust up once. Ripped a cry and a moan from her lips when he did it again. She almost lost her balance the first time, when his hands quickly grabbed a hold of her waist to prevent that. She couldn't try to establish a rhythm, didn't try. Didn't want to. Loved everything about the imperfection of this, the heat from their bodies, the cold from the atmosphere, the hands… His hands. His fingers, his lips, anything and everything from his body that he used to touch her. His first moans when she first enveloped him. His chest that heaved from heavy breathing. His thighs that her legs hugged comfortably. His thrusting that never stopped, that was too quick, or too slow, that always hit her, whether in the right way or not, and kept going, even after she found the control to start moving with him.

She started out slow. He had already sped up. And every time he stroked her spot, she fell forward, leaning against his body for support, his face just centimeters from hers, her pace completely broken. She looked down at his eyes, saw that his gaze never left her face, gasped as he hit her again, closed her eyes and moaned loudly when he started to do it repeatedly, and then begged him to slow down. To make it last.

He complied, mostly to find time to regain self-control. But when she had started to fondle one of her nipples, he let out a frustrated groan. He sat up with her still on his lap, clasped his hands on her waist, and sped up once more. She covered her face from him, her head on his shoulders, nails biting into his upper arms, hot breaths on his neck, whispers of incoherent words he wasn't so sure he wanted to understand. If they were demands, he wanted to follow. If they were pleas, he wanted to ignore. If they were proclamations, he would go over the edge.

She finally looked into his eyes again as they continued to move, and found them so blue, so emotional, that she knew from this point on, she had him forever, wrapped around her finger, on her every whim, and every last drop of love that he can ever afford to give.

She just wasn't so sure if she wanted to let him know that he did the same to her.


End file.
